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Thu, Oct

I Once Was Lost, But Now am Found!

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s2smodern

Toward the end of my first year in the University of Ibadan, I backslid from the Way and became iconoclastic. I stopped going to church and fellowship. I challenged the authenticity of Jesus Christ as the son of God and some seemingly controversial claims in the Bible.

Because, I had read the Bible from Genesis to Revelation for about three times as at then, I easily floored my born-again friends who tried to reason with me with the aim of getting me to reconsider my ways. And the more people I overcame in logic, the more popular I became as an atheist. So, I carried on with my life, with no Christ, no God, but seeking more knowledge everywhere I could to further justify my stand on Jesus Christ as a fake.

Not that I denied the existence or sovereignty of God, it was Jesus I had issues with. But, I realised that, with my denial of Jesus, I could not maintain a relationship with God as I used to, even though I didn’t deny Him. I could not pray to Him, I could not worship Him, I could not relate with Him.

Therefore, I geared my passion at seeking more knowledge. I wanted to know more so I could have a better say over my Christian friends. But then, I lost my peace. I discovered that I wasn’t as happy as I used to be. On the surface, I cut a picture of a driven, self-assured, and informed young man. But, within me, I knew things weren’t alright.

I was a bit popular because of my extra-curricular activities on campus as a pressman and student leader, and now, adding an anti-Jesus flavour to it, I became the companion and sounding board of Muslims and students of other/no religious affiliations who wanted to hear what I had to say about Jesus, or some of my new findings.

My unbelieving friends and I would talk for hours picking holes in some of the passages in the Bible, some Christian doctrines and the lifestyle of some Christians. I carried on like this for a while. But, sometime down the line, the gathering and the subject of our discussion started losing their lustre to me. I was getting disillusioned with it all, but I could not let go. I had to save face with my fellow iconoclasts and my audience. I wasn’t ready to reconsider my stand on Jesus, but I was tired of criticising Him. A part of me wanted to reach out to the Higher Being, but because I didn’t want to accept Jesus, I could not access God. So I found myself in a fix. My peace was gone, but I continued to talk. Needless to say that I had my worst result in that year.

During one of my readings, I saw a pictorial representation of the solar system in a pamphlet, and I was intrigued. In my secondary school, it’s either you choose Literature or Geography. I chose Literature over Geography, so I didn’t know much about the solar system beyond a passing mention. But, that night in my hostel, I didn’t just get to read about it, I also saw what the universe looks like, and I was awed!

I thought within myself, “So with all the billions of people on earth, plus the heavy duty machines and mega structures all around, the earth still hangs IN SPACE with nothing holding it up or supporting it below, and it does not totter downward or out of its orbit! Goodness! So the earth hangs on empty space without any visible support!

That was the last straw for me. I was completely broken and my defences were shattered. I knelt down right there and begged God to forgive me for doubting His Son. I realised how foolish I had been to dispute the word of God in the Bible and subject Jesus’ sonship and other such divine mysteries in the Bible to logical reasoning, when God Himself had said some things are hidden from our limited human understanding (Deut 29:29).

I know scientists have christened the force that holds the universe the force of gravity. But, it never ceases to amaze me till date, and whenever I consider the Bible passage that says, “God upholds ALL THINGS by the word of His power” (Hebrews 1:3), I realise that what the scientists call the force of gravity is no other than the word of God. God upholds the universe by the word of His power. He did not just use the word to create all things; He also uses the word to sustain all things.

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